Diplomatic Mission: Operation Enduring Cottontail

Serious Business
Upon special request by the Office of the Santa, the protective mission of Santa’s Little Secret Service extends to other Pagan-Christian holiday VIPs. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have maintained close diplomatic relations ever since the Constantinople Incident of 321 AD.  In light of this longstanding cooperation, the Office of the Santa once again asked the Service to protect the Easter Bunny (codename COTTONTAIL) during its Easter Sunday visit to San Francisco.  The mission codename: Operation Enduring Cottontail

Envoys for the Bunny first relayed the sacred rabbit’s desire to tour San Francisco and take part in the  Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence 30th Anniversary some two months ago. Security preparations began immediately under the skilled command of Agent Partridge-in-a-Pear-Tree.  Agent Partridge is the Detail Commander of the Special Personal Security Division of the Service-the unit assigned to protect none other than the Santa himself.

On Easter Sunday, the Service deployed an armored two-car motorcade featuring a convertible (codename BASKET) for the Bunny and a chase vehicle for the security team. The Bunny was ushered from a Mission District safe house to the waiting motorcade and the tour of San Francisco began.  The security team quickly realized that discretion would be impossible as passersby shrieked and yelled at the Bunny and drivers blatantly ignored traffic laws in order to take photos with their cell phones. Despite this complication, the Bunny embarked upon a whirlwind tour of the city starting with the famous Japantown Cherry Blossom Festival.  Due to security concerns agents did not notify festival organizers of the Bunny’s visit, and while children were mostly delighted by the presence of the Bunny, festival security officials were not.

Motorcade down Lombard St

After being escorted from the festival area, the Bunny toured the famously winding Lombard street followed by Chinatown, where the sacred rabbit was met by complete befuddlement.  The Bunny then toured the heavily touristed Powell Street cable car turnaround and made a surprise visit to Ike’s sandwich shop in the Castro before arriving at Dolores Park for the Sister’s of Perpetual Indulgence 30th Anniversary event.

A Santa’s Little Secret Service location team had already secured the park and provided critical additional security to monitor the 10,000 onlookers.  With the security detail in full force, the Bunny appeared on stage at the end of the Sister’s event.  After the Bunny’s on stage appearance, the sacred rabbit was escorted back to the waiting motorcade. Highly cooperative and professional officers from SFPD cleared Dolores street for the Bunny’s motorcade.  The Easter Bunny then led the Sister’s of Perpetual Indulgence 30th Anniversary Parade to the Castro.

The Security Detail stays close to COTTONTAIL during the Sisters' Parade

The Security Detail stays close to COTTONTAIL during the Sisters' Parade

The Service would like to thank the highly professional and selfless Agents, the indefatigable Bunny, and the embedded press officer Ed Hunsinger. The Service would also like to extend its appreciation to our colleagues in the San Francisco Police Department for providing courteous and efficient cooperation, as well as the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence for inviting the Bunny to their event and parade.

The Office of the Santa and the Principality of the Sacred Rabbit of Easter are deeply disturbed, however, by the unfriendly conduct of Cherry Blossom Festival staff and demand a full apology from organizers and the Emperor of Japan without delay.

PHOTOS
Our press corps officer, Ed Hunsinger, took nearly 600 photos throughout the day and has posted the highlights.

Friend of the Service, Charles Lyons, also took some excellent photos of the parade.

VIDEO
The press corps officer also recording these harrowing short videos throughout the day.

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About EDW Lynch

EDW Lynch is one of the Bay Area's top 5 Humanitarians under 30.
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