Attack Against Easter Bunny During SF Visit Thwarted by Santa’s Little Secret Service

BYOBW 2011, San Francisco
photo by Der Dunn

During the Easter Bunny’s state visit to San Francisco on Easter Sunday, an overzealous fan “aggressively hugged” the Sacred Rabbit (video), necessitating a quick response by Santa’s Little Secret Service agents. Detail Commander EDW Lynch assures the public that during the inappropriately long 4.5 second hug, the Easter Bunny was never in real danger. Agents were on hand thanks to a longstanding security agreement between the Easter Bunny and the North Pole. The diplomatic security mission codename was Operation Trojan Rabbit.

See the Official Photo Gallery of Operation Trojan Rabbit and our Flickr group for more photos. For info on the Easter Bunny’s 2009 San Francisco visit, an elaborate security motorcade and parade, see the report on Operation Enduring Cottontail.

IMG_5640
photo by SFRichardT

The Sacred Rabbit (codename: COTTONTAIL) took a brief tour of the city before arriving, under full security (video), at the 2011 Bring Your Own Big Wheel Race. The Bunny met its adoring public, walked the race course (where the hugging attack occurred), and then waved the checkered flag at the finish line.

Bunny Agent
photo by Jing Jie

A Fast Action Response Team of agents armed with Hare Armaments DK-97 60mm Assault Daikon were luckily unnecessary, thanks to the extensive preparedness of Santa’s Little Secret Service.

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About EDW Lynch

EDW Lynch is one of the Bay Area's top 5 Humanitarians under 30.
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3 Responses to Attack Against Easter Bunny During SF Visit Thwarted by Santa’s Little Secret Service

  1. Pingback: Easter Bunny Attacked During Official Visit to San Francisco

  2. Skippy says:

    Thank god for the amazing powers of FART, or the Easter Bunny would have been in grave danger.

  3. Becky Perlman says:

    SLSS Command:

    Truly, you and your brave troops and intelligence staff should be commended for the fine work you do on behalf of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Jesus Christ. However, on behalf of my Israeli compatriots and the Jewish diaspora at large, I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about the strong Pagan-Christian bias of your security forces. You claim your jurisdiction is international, and yet I see no mention of deloyments to protect the equally beloved public figures of Judaism during their respective holidays.

    Sirs, why do you offer no support to Elijah the prophet during the Pesach season? Are you aware that the Big E is invited to every Passover table during the course of each and every seder celebrated worldwide? As you might imagine, his protection is a huge concern for the Jewish community.

    Furthermore, on every Purim, hundreds of Queen Esthers and Mordechais must be protected from the evil schemings of King Haman. As identity-concealing costumes and inhibition-weakening alcohol consumption comprise integral components of the holiday, safety risks are especially high and the need for undercover units is urgent.

    Finally, as you know, we Jews are currently awaiting the arrival of the Messiah, who will no doubt require a large security force with uparalleled professionalism, experience, and tactical prowess. Though his/her appearance is still pending, chatter within the intelligence community (Wikileaks, anonymous sources from within Shin Bet, Mossad, and the IDF) seems to indicate (s)he could come on the scene at any time, and establish Jerusalem as his home base.

    Given the needs of the Jewish community and the Israeli people, I hope the SLSS will see fit to expand its diplomatic missions to include protection for our holiday figures. Here in Israel, especially, you will find the Jewish people to be especially appreciative and respectful of security staff.

    Sincerely yours,

    Becky Perlman

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