On Saturday December 12, 2009, the Santa authorized the first ever deployment of Santa’s Defense Forces in San Francisco. The code name for this mission was Operation Yule Storm.
12th Nutcracker soldiers in action, San Francisco. Photo by Green Kozi
In years past, Santa’s Little Secret Service has provided security for San Francisco’s Santacon. However in the Fall of 2009, Santa’s Little Intelligence Support Team (LIST) detected alarming signal intelligence from Santa’s enemies indicating an extreme security risk to the Santa during his annual visit to San Francisco. Following standard North Pole protocol for situations of extreme danger, the Bureau of Special Christmas Operations handed over security responsibilities to Santa’s Defense Forces.
Santa’s Nutcracker Command (NutCom) mustered a Christmas expeditionary force under the command of Captain EDW Pine Nut of the illustrious 12th Nutcracker Regiment.
The Christmas Expeditionary force:
Capt. EDW Pine Nut of the 12th Nutcracker. The elite "12th Nut" is Santa's personal bodyguard detachment and provides both ceremonial and combat support to the Santa. Photo by Ed Hunsinger
Reindeer Command (ReinCom) provided a Sleigh Liaison Officer from the 103rd Sleighborne Division to ensure close cooperation with air assault and sleighvac units as needed. Photo by Ed Hunsinger
The Joint Christmas Certainty Command (J-CCC), which oversees the Santa's special forces units, embedded fairy operators from the North Pole's most elite and secretive unit, the mysterious Sugar Plum Service (SPS.) Photo by Steve Rhodes
The orders for Operation Yule Storm:
- Ensure Christmas Certainty
- Provide escort and close protection detail for the Santa and other North Pole High Value Persons
- Liaise as needed with local officials and tribal leaders
- engage in “hearts and minds” campaign with civilians, while searching for the enemies of the Santa
- subject enemies of the Santa to extraordinary rendition
- coordinate close sleigh support and sleighvac as required
- fire only if fired upon
Numbering 16 Nutcrackers, Reindeer, and Sugar Plum Fairies, the Operation Yule Storm force deployed at the start of San Francisco’s Santacon at 1212 hrs in Civic Center Plaza. Despite a harrowing rainstorm, the SDF units escorted Santa downtown to Union Square without incident. While the 12th Nutcracker performed escort duties, SPS fairy operators undertook special missions including interrogating civilians, light extraordinary rendition, and close protection of VIPs such as Jesus and Frank Chu.
SPS and 12th Nutcracker soldiers provide close protection for Jesus, Civic Center Plaza. Photo by Ed Hunsinger
The SDF units were armed with the 3C modular weapons system–a family of candy cane-based small arms ranging from the CCP candy cane pistol to the awe-inspiring CCSW candy cane support weapon. Strict rules of engagement and the professionalism of Santa’s troops prevented any live fire incidents, even during the course of bomb attacks by the Unicorn Bomber (defused successfully by SPS fairy operators.)
12th Nutcracker troops in the Castro Santa Safe Zone. Photo by Ed Hunsinger
In the afternoon, the Christmas expeditionary force deployed in the Castro, forming a Santa Safe Zone on the corner of Market and Castro streets (video by embedded press Ed Hunsinger.) 12th Nut and SPS combined squads deployed outside the safe zone to escort small groups of Santa safely into the Castro. At around 1600 hrs SPS fairy operators detected and forcibly detained the Unicorn Bomber in the first failed bombing attempt at Santacon.
As night fell, SPS fairy operators switched on night vision goggles and Operation Yule Storm forces escorted a group of about 50 Santa to the Lower Haight Drink Inclusion Zone.
12th Nutcracker soldiers provide perimeter security as Santa moves toward Lower Haight. Photo by Zachary Lara
On the way, Santa’s troops briefly occupied a Christmas Tree Lot on Market Street, but were unable to find evidence of illicit tree trafficking or other tree crimes. The Santa wishes to extend apologies to Delancey Street Tree Lot for “light extraordinary rendition and ornament grenade blasts.”
After successfully escorting Santa to the Lower Haight Drink Inclusion Zone, Operation Yule Storm officially came to a close. All mission goals were met or exceeded by Santa’s Defense Forces and Santa’s enemies were effectively neutralized. As the Christmas Operational Window approaches, soldiers of the 12th Nutcracker, 103rd Sleighborne, and Sugar Plum Service are hard at work around the world ensuring Christmas Certainty and the safety and security of the Santa. Their duty is a necessary evil and they fight for nothing less than Christmas itself.
The Operation Yule Storm photo gallery. The rest of the photos.
UPDATE: Recently declassified black and white photography of Santa’s Defense Forces in action
The Santa extends special thanks to the embedded press corps: Ed Hunsinger, Zachary Lara, and Tomas Puig
The Operation Yule Storm Christmas expeditionary force. Photo by Ed Hunsinger
