SPS


Sugar Plum Service fairies in action, San Francisco, 2010. Photo cc Suz or Sooze

Santa’s Scalpel
Sometimes referred to as Taskforce 1225 or the 25th Long Range Fairy Squadron, the Sugar Plum Service (SPS) provides the Santa with an option of last resort in matters of Christmas Certainty.  This elite volunteer special forces unit made up entirely of Sugar Plum fairies is often compared to the world’s other tier one units such as the American Delta Force, German GSG-9, and Russian Spetsnaz. Because the Santa does not comment publicly on the SPS or its activities, little is known about the unit. The following information is gleaned from the public record and is not endorsed by the Santa or Santa’s Little Secret Service.

SPS and 12th Nut in action

SPS operator fairy and 12th Nutcracker soldier in action. Photo by Ed Hunsinger

The History of the SPS
During the late 1960’s, anti-Christmas sentiment in the Eastern bloc reached a fever pitch. The North Pole responded with quiet diplomacy and the traditional policy of strict neutrality. Despite these efforts, the Soviet Union and its allies withdrew diplomatic relations with the North Pole in the Fall of 1969 and declared Christmas illegal. Around this time, the Santa began receiving credible threats from the The Red Christmas Faction (Die Rote Weihnachten Faktion), an East German state-sponsored radical anti-Christmas terrorist group. These threats culminated in the infamous Helsinki Incident on November 13, 1970: an unprecedented and brazen kidnapping attempt on the Santa during a routine pre-Christmas sleigh tour.  During a pitched battle in the streets of Helsinki, Santa’s Little Secret Service supported by the 12th Nutcracker regiment were able to fight off the terrorists and evacuate the Santa to safety. But the message was clear: the world had changed and the North Pole had to adapt.

In the Spring of 1971, the North Pole formed a counter-terrorist special operations unit assembled from Santa’s most trusted and discrete allies, the Sugar Plum Fairies.

In March of 1971, East German General Secretary Walter Ulbricht disappeared for 6 days. He reappeared in East Berlin on the 7th day, dazed and bruised. Just a few days later, the German Democratic Republic resumed celebration of Christmas without explanation of any kind. One month later the General Secretary resigned due to “poor health.” Numerous intelligence community sources now link these series of events to the first operation of the SPS, known as Operation North Star.

Since the founding of the SPS, the unit has been increasingly active around the world supporting the sacred North Pole mandate of Christmas Certainty. The Santa has never acknowledged the existence of the SPS nor any missions attributed to them, and no SPS Operator Fairy has ever been captured.

SPS operator fairy deployed as part of Operation Yule Storm, 2009. Photo by Zachary Lara

The SPS Today
Most security experts believe the Sugar Plum Service now numbers in excess of 100 fairy operators plus support staff. The unit is organized under the Joint Christmas Certainty Command (J-CCC), a hybrid special operations command shared by the Bureau of Special Christmas Operations (BOSCO) and Santa’s Defense Forces (SDF.)

The SPS operates with seeming impunity across national borders and in the world’s most dangerous and restricted zones. Since 1974 fairy operators have been covertly delivering presents to the world’s most outspoken anti-Christmas dictators and strongmen, often defeating some of the world’s most notorious security services in the process.  The implied threat is clear: Santa sees you when you’re sleeping, even if you’re Kim Il-Jong. It is not a coincidence that in these unfriendly nations Christmas is still permitted and the Santa is permitted to fly over without interruption.

In extremely hazardous parts of the world, the SPS is often seen providing close protection to the Santa or other North Pole High Value Persons. This is above and beyond the protection already provided by Santa’s Little Secret Service.  Additionally the SPS is closely involved with the delivery of presents in these hot spots.

SPS fairy operators are sometimes recognizable by their distinctive kevlar mesh tutus; however they oftentimes deploy without uniforms or identification of any kind. They are equipped with customized tactical gear and candy cane weapons and proficient in 3 or more deadly arts, 5 or more languages, the small arms of the world’s major militaries, and the operation of numerous types of civilian and military aircraft and vehicles.

SPS operator fairies detain a Santa imposter, San Francisco 2009. Photo by Ed Hunsinger

The Missions of the SPS
The Sugar Plum Service focuses on the following core missions:

  • Counter-terrorism and tactical counter-bah-humbug operations
  • Kinetic Diplomacy
  • Covert and Forced Gifting (See Operation Christmas Morning)
  • Close Protection of Santa and North Pole High Value Persons
  • Search & Rescue, Sleighvac
  • Extraordinary Rendition

Alleged Operations

1971 Operation North Star–East Berlin. Kidnapping of East German leader Walter Ulbricht.

1974 Operation Christmas Morning–various world capitals. Covert delivery of Christmas presents to unfriendly world leaders commences. Continues to present day.

1981 Operation Mistletoe–Beirut. Combined operation with 12th Nutcracker, 103rd Sleighborne to deliver Christmas presents during Lebanon’s civil war.

1992 Operation Infinite Tenenbaum–Pyong Yang. Rescue operation following the downing of Sleigh One by North Korean surface to air missile. North Korean leader Kim Il-Sung retreats from public life for 18 months. Three of his presidential palaces burn down mysteriously during this time.

2002-2006 Operation Cookies and Milk–worldwide. During the so-called War on Christmas, SPS fairy operators engage in targeted kidnappings and forced gifting.

2009 Operation Yule Storm–San Francisco. Joint operation with the 12th Nutcracker and 103rd Sleighborne to provide security for Santacon.

2010 Operation Chimney Sweep–San Francisco. Joint operation with SDF and BOSCO units to ensure security of Sleigh One at Santacon.