Santa Claus prides himself on his ability to move freely about the world to undertake Christmas operations. The most visible symbol of Santa’s Christmas mobility is Sleigh One, his highly advanced personal transport. So it was only fitting that the Santa decided to bring Sleigh One to San Francisco’s Santacon, now in its 17th year of santarchy.
As soon as the Office of the Santa added Santacon to its pre-Christmas Operational Window tour, Santa’s helpers mobilized to make the trip a safe and successful one. Such high profile visits by the Santa require multiple layers of security, so the elves of the Bureau of Special Christmas Operations, and the fighting reindeer, nutcrackers, and sugar plum fairies of Santa’s Defense Forces formed a joint task force to protect the Santa and Sleigh One. The mission was code-named: Operation Chimney Sweep.
The goals of Operation Chimney Sweep:
- Provide 360 degree protection of Sleigh One and the Santa
- Sweep for enemies of Santa, “Beards” (fake Santas), and suspicious gifts
- Liaise with the public and local authorities to ensure Christmas cheer
- Guarantee Christmas certainty at all costs
Photo cc Steve Rhodes
Sleigh One never travels without an extensive security umbrella and Operation Chimney Sweep was no exception. Santa’s elves fielded two security elements from the Bureau of Special Christmas Operations. Santa’s Little Secret Service deployed a close protection detail of elite elvish bodyguards to protect both the Santa and his sleigh. Santa’s Little Intelligence Support Team (LIST) provided elf operatives trained in naughty/nice interrogation and identification of enemies of Christmas.
Santa’s Defense Forces
Santa’s military deployed elements of three separate units. The 103rd Sleighborne Regiment deered Sleigh One, under the leadership of Lieutenant General “Olive” Cramer.
The illustrious 12th Nutcracker regiment maintained perimeter security for Sleigh One with an assault squad of heavily armed Nutcracker soldiers. Despite rumors to the contrary, the Santa vigorously denies that any sugar plum fairies perform combat roles for the north pole. The quartet of Sugar Plum Service fairies present at Operation Chimney Sweep were simply serving an advisory role and assisting in the reeducation of enemies of Santa.
At 1230hrs on December 4, Sleigh One arrived outside City Hall to much fanfare. The phalanx of security was tested almost immediately when a suspicious present was spotted and defused by the Sugar Plum Service.
Photo by The Project FC used with permission
Sleigh One then proceeded without incident up Polk Street and then to Union Square for community relations operations.
Mrs. Claus meets her constituents as Capt. EDW Pine Nut and elf agents stand guard. Photo cc Sally McIntyre
Ground troops and Elvish agents then performed a surprise security sweep of the Upper Market corridor including a special operations strike against Molotov’s Bar. Operation Chimney Sweep was a resounding success and a triumph of inter-service cooperation by Santa’s security forces. Sleigh One and Santa’s helpers are now deployed around the world as part of Christmas Operational Window 2010.
Santa’s security forces receive commendation for meritorious duty. Photo cc Zachary Lara
Zachary Lara and Sally McIntyre served as embedded press photographers for Operation Chimney Sweep.
The 103rd Sleighborne was led by Lt. General “Olive” Cramer. Sergeant Reindeer “Dasher” Nash and Master Chief “Comet” Koster oversaw construction and armament of Sleigh One.
The Santa thanks all personnel for their professionalism and commitment to Christmas certainty.
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