Santa’s Sword and Shield
The harsh security realities of the past 100 years have necessitated a rapid buildup and modernization of Santa’s military. No longer merely a ceremonial guard of Nutcrackers and reindeer, Santa’s Defense Forces are now a thoroughly professional and efficient military organization. Similar to the armed forces of other small nation-states, the SDF makes up for its small numbers with the latest weapons systems and training. Santa’s armed helpers have played an increasingly high profile role in ensuring Christmas certainty, from protecting Santa’s Sleigh One to proactively striking at Santa’s most dangerous enemies.
Photo cc Zachary Lara
The Santa’s Defense Force Command is divided into three branches:
- Nutcracker Command (NUTCOM) encompasses all land-based Nutcracker combat units.
- Reindeer Command (REINCOM) includes all aerial sleigh units, from Sleigh transport to Sleigh attack squadrons.
- Joint Christmas Certainty Command (J-CCC) is Santa’s newest command, overseeing Santa’s special forces units including the 103rd Sleighborne and Sugar Plum Service.
The 6,000 fighting nutcrackers of NUTCOM are responsible for all major military ground operations on behalf of the Santa. The nutcrackers are tasked with anything from the ceremonial guard of Santa’s residence to high intensity urban warfare. The most famous nutcracker unit is Santa’s Own 12th Nutcracker Regiment, the so-called “12th Nut.”
Notable NUTCOM units:
- Santa’s Own 12th Nutcracker Regiment, personal bodyguard to the Santa
- 25th Mechanized Nutcracker Regiment, armored sleigh attack unit
The 5,000 reindeer of REINCOM are responsible for all North Pole aerial operations, from Santa’s personal sleigh to gift transport. Most of the reindeer are devoted to logistical operations related to the Christmas Operational Window–the delivery of gifts each December. But a select few reindeer are assigned to the armed sleighs of Santa’s aerial combat units.
Notable REINCOM units:
- 1st Sleigh Squadron, Santa’s personal transport unit including Sleigh One
- 99th Sleigh Attack Squadron, armed sleighs specializing in Christmas air superiority and close air support roles
Joint Christmas Certainty Command
The J-CCC (“J triple C”) is a hybrid command encompassing the Santa’s most specialized and elite military units. The special forces of J-CCC perform the most critical and sensitive operations related to Christmas Certainty, most of which are classified. As enemies of Santa have become increasingly unconventional, Santa now increasingly relies on the unique skills of his most elite units.
Notable J-CCC units:
- 103rd Sleighborne Regiment, sleigh-mobile reindeer shock troops
- Sugar Plum Service, first tier counter terrorist special forces unit of sugar plum fairies. Santa’s option of last resort.